i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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