He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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