He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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