dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He had one of those small greek statue penises
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize