Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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