somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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