I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize