Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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