I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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