you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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