and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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