who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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