i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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this hospital has no fireball
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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