Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize