Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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