Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize