I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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