Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.

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(604): My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry. http://tfl.nu/6crc

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(703): View more from Virginia

Did you fuck her?

(212): View more from New York

If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.

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(703): Did you fuck her? (212): If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that. http://tfl.nu/y42g

Replies (3) Good night (849) Bad night (2932)
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(253): View more from Washington

My mind says no, but my body says yes.

(703): View more from Virginia

What does your body say about chlamydia?

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(253): My mind says no, but my body says yes. (703): What does your body say about chlamydia? http://tfl.nu/53wo

Replies (17) Good night (498) Bad night (2898)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

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(814): Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade. http://tfl.nu/7055

Replies (49) Good night (1360) Bad night (7463)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.

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(330): I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now. http://tfl.nu/yqbr

Replies (10) Good night (3427) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
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(910): View more from North Carolina

NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.

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(910): NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state. http://tfl.nu/dlad

Replies (40) Good night (936) Bad night (3274) Order T-Shirt
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(916): View more from California

I can already almost taste penis in my mouth

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(916): I can already almost taste penis in my mouth http://tfl.nu/o1w6

Replies (10) Good night (2234) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy

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(217): I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy http://tfl.nu/0wt3

Replies (5) Good night (1495) Bad night (500)
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(303): View more from Colorado

How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?

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(303): How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head? http://tfl.nu/wek5

Replies (5) Good night (1804) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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(909): View more from California

What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for

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(909): What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for http://tfl.nu/e5by

Replies (17) Good night (1546) Bad night (567)
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(916): View more from California

So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.

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(916): So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones. http://tfl.nu/pw89

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(207): View more from Maine

I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.

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(207): I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table. http://tfl.nu/sbpv

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.

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(202): I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills. http://tfl.nu/w2hv

Replies (6) Good night (1330) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.

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(612): Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt. http://tfl.nu/hm2f

Replies (3) Good night (683) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
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(256): View more from Alabama

In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

Yeah, that's a plus.

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(256): In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet. (1-256): Yeah, that's a plus. http://tfl.nu/i1dz

Replies (1) Good night (332) Bad night (111) Order T-Shirt

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