That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize