he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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We talked him into tasing himself.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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