I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want her autograph on my taint
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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