watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize