1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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