you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize