life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
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just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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