I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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