i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize