plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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