HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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