On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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