his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dicks are not precious.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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