Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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