at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize