if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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