he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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