she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize