You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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