wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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