i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize