I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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