Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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