I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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