So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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