yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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