Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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