help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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