good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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