Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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