I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize