It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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