I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize